Smile like you mean it
by mikii09
Summary: edward likes his life. having once been described as a "hot angel" his ego is pretty much pumped every day of his life. cue bella. sarcastic "twat" who refuses to drool. hmm...


I woke up to the sound of birds singing.

I'm not shitting you,_ singing_.

While other people have to endure a piercing ringing, I hear music. Well.. chirping.

Meh. Apples and oranges.

I yawned, and reached over the side of my bed, fishing around for clothes.

Shoving a t-shirt over my head, I threw open the bathroom door, and there it was.

My reflection, I mean. I grinned, and watched my own smirk reflected back at me.

Some see vanity as a bad thing, personally I believe if you're not vain, you're suicidal.

There is no in between. You love yourself, you hate yourself.

It also helps being noticed. A lot.

I'm not even famous, I've never even tried to be, but man, college chicks act like I am. Just call me King Edward the Playaa.

Wait. Scratch that. Too gay.

...Just King Edward.

I opened up three buttons of my polo, and sighed as I looked at my hair. No amount of gel will keep that fucker down.

I shrugged and strolled into the kitchen. Standing there was my best friend Jasper, whispering to someone on the phone.

And by someone, I mean Alice. God he's so fucking whipped. I sighed, and slammed my hand down on the counter, making him jump.

"Hey fuckface" I said grinning, "HEY ALICE!!"

Alice needs no speaker phone, "EDWARDD! Jess says to tell you you're a ..wait a sec, I've it written down...Aha! I quote, a "FUCKER WHO DESERVES TO BE

SHOT IN THE DICK"

Ah. Jessica. A hook up, who doesn't know she's a hook up. Sad really.

At first there was nothing wrong with her. She's blonde, picture the all-American "woman" you see in A&F ads. Her.

Then the stalking began. I fucking swear to God. I don't even really remember hooking up with her.. Fucks sake, it's college, can't girls just be ..loose?!

Apparently not.

"Uh, thanks Alice ..Any others?" Alice usually tells me my.. eh, fan mail, she thinks it's hilarious.

"Well..apart from the usual.. Oh! Lauren "wants you bad"" I could hear her giggled as she read out some of texts desperados had sent her.

I checked my watch, 12:30.. how the fuck did that happen!?

"Shit got to go, I've fucking Banner!" I grabbed my keys and looked around.

Bag bag bag, where the hell is my bag!!?

Fuck it, someone will lend me shit.

I raced out the door, and took off down the hall. I tore down the three flights of stairs, and out to Banner's class.

Stupid fucker had to have his class in a different building.

I flung the door open and smiled at Banner.

He didn't smile back. Shocker.

"MR. MASEN. Thank you for deciding to show up. I'm not sure I could have started with out you." He scowled at me, his own retarded way of trying to get me to be afraid of him. Ha.

"Ouch sir, sarcasm at this hour? Not sure the heart can deal with that" Banner turned and continued the class, a vein just visible on the side of his forehead.

King Edward - 1, Banner - zero. Mental high five.

I walked up to my normal seat, and stopped dead. I could just see a mass of brown curls.

No. Way. A chick stole my seat. I coughed, and tapped my foot.

Finally, after a few seconds, she looked up.

"You're in--.." Holy fuck. She's hot.

Big brown eyes, lips like Angelina Fuckin' Jolie. I swallowed and grabbed the seat beside her.

I did not just let a chicks face stop me.

Oh shit. I did.

I shifted in my seat, turning my body in her direction.

I leaned in closely, I know girls dig that shit, and moved her hair to the side.

"Hey, mind if I look in?"

She recoiled from my touch like I'd just touched her with a fucking match, and glared at me.

"Yeah, I do. Byebye." She flicked her hair over her shoulder, and shifted her book so it was on the other side of her desk.

Did she just. By-- THE FUCK??!

She's got to be a lesbian.

* * *

**i've got loadsa ideas.. just kinda funny shit. i prefer this one then the other 1 tbh. edward's gonna be a little bit of a vain mofo for now, but a little public humiliation will sort that out.**

**i feel a story comin' onnn.**


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